Navigating the Holidays After a Miscarriage

With the holiday season just around the corner, I wanted to take some time and talk about the struggles that women (and men) deal with during this season.

The holiday season can sometimes be a struggle for anyone, but for those dealing with infertility or a miscarriage – things that not everyone sees – this season can been extremely difficult. I know when I was working through my miscarriages, family gatherings were always the hardest, so I want to share with you some things that helped me survive these events.

  1. Prepare Your Answers

We all have that Aunt Sue that likes to ask the most embarrassing and nosy questions as the Turkey is being passed around the table or Uncle Bill that has had one too many egg nogs and wants to give you some “solid dating advice”. While they may be well-intentioned, the questions they ask can cut you to the core…especially if they don’t know what you are suffering through in silence.

So, when they ask you the dreaded question that they ask year after year: “So, when are you having kids?” there are a couple ways you can combat this question: either be straight forward and inform everyone of what’s going on (maybe get some great support this way) or completely avoid the question. Either way, you need to have a thoughtfully prepared answer constructed BEFORE going into these situations.

Some examples are:

“That’s a great question. I really want kids; however, I’ve been struggling to getting pregnant. I don’t want to dwell on it though, so let’s talk about something else. How is your dog doing?”

“We haven’t decided yet, we’ll let you know when we do!”

These might seem like easy and straight forward answers, but by preparing what you’re going to say ahead of time, that takes the added stress of trying to decide what you want to say in the moment away. This also gives you more confidence joining in these family gatherings.

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  1. Talk to Someone

Now, I know what you might be thinking: “I’m not going to go see a counselor. Why would I talk to some stranger about my problems?”

Before you click away, hear me out…

Yes, you need to talk to SOMEONE, but you don’t have to talk to a counselor if that’s not something that you feel comfortable with. Heck, I don’t care if you talk to your dog, but you need to talk to someone…anyone!

By verbalizing how you are feeling, you not only get it off your chest, but you can also hear the words that you are saying and it may surprise you. As you get talking, you may not realize that you feel a certain way.

Now, if your dog turns out to be a terrible listener, then write it out!

Just getting all your pent up energy and emotions out of you will help you feel so much better. Now, it’s not going to take away the pain of losing a precious child or another negative pregnancy test, but it helps free up some space inside you for a little hope to creep in.

For me, I found healing in pinning quotes on Pinterest.

Whatever works for you, do it!

  1. Don’t Say Yes to Everything

So many people in today’s society glorify the busy. They think that they need to constantly be busy to have purpose and often times this trap is even easier to fall into when we are grieving.

So, get picky about which events and gatherings you attend.

Just because Janet down the block expects you to attend her Christmas Eve Party, doesn’t mean you have to. News Flash: you are NOT Janet’s kid so why do you feel obligated to do whatever she wants you to?

So, if you don’t feel comfortable going somewhere…don’t. Just don’t. Taking care of you and your mental health is way more important than anything else.

If they ask, just tell them I said you can’t go.

  1. Start a New Tradition

Starting a new tradition as a family, even if that is only you and your husband, can be such an exciting experience. There is just something comforting about family traditions and observing them year in and year out.

So, whether this be opening up one gift on Christmas Eve, buying family Christmas pajamas, making ginger bread houses, making homemade cinnamon rolls…whatever it may be, it yours and your family’s tradition and it also helps keep your minds occupied and in the present rather than focusing on all the “what if’s” that can occupy our minds.

  1. Memorialize Your Sweet Baby

One of the biggest struggles I faced during the holiday season was feeling as though the world was continuing on and my sweet babies that were lost too soon would be forgotten forever.

One way that helped me feel more at peace about everything was buying a Christmas ornaments for them. Now, it doesn’t have to be ornaments, it can be a stocking, an outfit, anything that helps you both feel connected to your lost child or your future sweet babies.

 

Well, there you have it sweet mama. Those are my five tips for getting through the holiday season through the midst of miscarriage and infertility:

  1. Prepare Your Answers
  2. Talk to Someone
  3. Don’t Say Yes to Everything
  4. Start a New Tradition
  5. Memorialize Your Sweet Baby

If you have any other tips for other mamas out there, feel free to comment down below. Or hop on over to Facebook and join our exclusive Babies and Bibles group to connect with other mamas just like you!

 

Stay strong mama, you got this!

 

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Now that you’ve navigated the holidays, continue reading…

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